the sudden shake within my body makes me rethink my choices rather overthink them. everything around me makes no sense, for everything becomes blurry. the shadow of my own skin is prominent even in the dim lights, for thats the only human-like figure holding my back at such an hour.
the relentless thoughts but without the urge to be felt.
the bags under my eyes carry a million little nocturnal droplets, out of all the places they find their comfort only on my pillow. yet, sometimes they seem too reluctant, i want to pour but they don’t want to. my throat feels drier with every breath i take. my thumb toe starts doing the woobly dance. chills going down the spine were observed. my fingers feel numb and so does my heart.
my feelings disappear into the void.
with the blank straight face i look up in the mirror, trying to make my lips move, trying to have a small talk with the person in front of me but my throat is hesitant, i sip the coffee which is now cold and baseless.
nothing changed. im still unable to feel my feelings. honestly, i dont know how i am feeling. just the void.
i tie my hair followed by an episode of journaling with ritviz’s in the background.
whilst that, i hear a zillion of nerve cells screaming their lungs out ‘you’ve got this, girl’. my lips parted. my throat’s better (but the void isnt). i utter ‘you’ve got this, girl’ to the 16 year old i see in the mirror.
she was then seen hugging herself.
“but khushi, what about the void?”
it’s still there but dormant.
the void wasn’t conquered but....distanced.
sometimes conquering isn’t everything.