I am sure everybody has moments when every ounce of positivity leaves their body. I am sure my "that moment" is right now. I see no ray of hope and this is weird coming from me because I ALWAYS have hope. People call me a ray of sunshine; at least they used to.
I haven't lost hope with the world this time. I don't have any hopes from myself. I can never accept my faults, I believe I am not wrong, but every person around me can't be wrong. I am flawed. Also, emotionally damaged. People don't walk out on me for nothing. There has to be something but I can't put my finger to it. Everybody has walked out on me but what for?
I consider someone close-open up to them-hell, even trust them with my deepest secrets-get stabbed in the back in less than 6 months-move on : the never ending cycle of my life. I think that's what most people do. they leave, they go away. I have felt so much that I have started to feel nothing.
Sitting alone in my room, all by myself, I realise that I can't be positive anymore. I can't fake a smile anymore. I am done with everything around me.
Yet, I won't give up. All these bad days do not and cannot overpower the good days that I have had. I will not let them. I have nothing left to hold on to except the last ray of hope somewhere still within me that it will get better. I am sure of that, because I was once told, "falling down is an accident, but staying down is a choice" and that choice is not an option on my list.